Dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...


Girlfriend Doesn't Like Oral Sex

Hello Doc,

I'm sure you've been asked this question before. My girlfriend does not want to perform oral sex on me. Is there a way I can get her to change her mind? I mean, ever since the day she told me, I've been fine with it. I told her I had no problem with it. And she doesn't know that I feel this way. I much rather have her do it than not do it. So is there a way to get her to change her mind at all?



You bet there is.

First of all, you need to come clean about your desire for oral sex. Since you've told her otherwise (in effect, lying to her) she doesn't get the opportunity to deal with her own issues surrounding it.

Explain to her that you knew (or sensed) that she wasn't into it and; rather than creating an issue around it, you chose to tell her a little white lie. Now that you're relationship is going well you want to start expanding up your sexual scope to include other fun sex like oral sex, etc.

You should also explain to her that while it's not a deal breaker, you want more variety in your sex and that you'll help her learn to be really good at it. More important, it'll be fun!

At the same time, get her to talk about what she'd like to see more of too. Just as you grow your relationship to be closer and better, you need to focus on doing the same thing with your sex life.

As I constantly tell people, bad relationships that have great sex will continue to survive, but good relationships with bad sex almost always fail.

It's important to have your needs met and to meet hers as well. Therefore, don't stop at telling her what you want, you also need to know what she wants too. This is a good time to start expanding your sexual horizons!

One way to do this is to start talking about your fantasies. She may be uncomfortable at about at first, but as soon as she knows you're sincere and that you aren't going to judge her based on this, she'll start to open up to you. This gives you some new material to really ramp-up your sex life, but even more important, will help you to really bond and become closer.

Best regards...

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