What Are The Signs Of Cheating, An Affair Or Infidelity?

Jamie R. writes...

"What signs or things should I look for to tell if my boyfriend is cheating on me? I am trying to stay calm and not jump to conclusions, but I can't help it. My friends think it's obvious. What am I missing?" 

Replies (3)
  • Hi Jamie.

    Let's get to it.

    To help you get over an affair - click here.

    • He or she suddenly is working late. If there is a raise, a special project, or a possible promotion in the offing, this may be legitimate and free of any hanky panky. But if it seems as if your spouse works late one, then two, then three nights a week without any of these situations existing, something may be up.

      New clothes. If your spouse begins to purchase clothing that is a little younger or a little different in style from what he or she normally likes, it may be a sign of the influence of a new playmate. This is especially true if these new styles are not anything you have suggested would look good on your spouse.

      Sexy undergarments. If your man goes from wearing boxers to bikini briefs without asking your opinion, then he did not buy them for your benefit. By the same token, if a woman buys sexy lingerie and does not model the ensemble for her husband, rest assured somebody else is getting the benefit of the visual delight.

      Fresh scents. If your spouse has worn the same cologne or perfume for years and decides to go with something new and trendy, this may be an attempt to become more desirable - to someone other than you.

      Change in Hygiene Habits. More frequent showers, changing soaps and shampoos for no apparent reason, and carrying breath mints around after avoiding them like the plague for years means something is probably up.

      Preoccupation. If a spouse is cheating, there is often a certain amount of withdrawal. The cheating spouse becomes quieter around the house, often contributing less to conversations.

      Decrease in sexual activity. When a spouse who used to display a great deal of interest in engaging in sex and being affectionate begins to be tired and have frequent headaches at bedtime, it could be they are having their needs met elsewhere.

      Overcompensation. This is one of the most common of all the 10 signs of cheating spouse activity. The cheating wife may go out of her way to be understanding when her husband wants to go out with his buddies. In like manner, the cheating husband may start showing up with flowers and other little gifts for no apparent reason.

      Money is disappearing. Motel rooms are not free. If money seems to be a little tighter even though the family budget shows no new bills, something may be up.

      Changes in temperament. Cheating spouses may suddenly become easily irritated, or develop a great deal of apathy. This loss in interest may begin in the bedroom and spread to other areas of the marriage in a short period of time.

      • 46 Clues Your Partner Is Having An Affair

        by Robert Huizenga

        Signs of a Cheating Partner:

        1) You find birth-control pills in her medicine cabinet, and you've had a vasectomy.

        2) Mutual friends start acting strangely toward you. (They either know about the cheating or have been told stories about what a horrible wife or girlfriend you are.)

        3) Your cheating husband or wife stops confiding in you and seeking advice from you.

        4) Sets up a new e-mail account and doesn't tell you about it.

        5) He leaves the house in the morning smelling like Irish Spring and returns in the evening smelling like Safeguard.

        6) She joins the gym and begins a rigorous workout program.

        7) She buys a cell phone and doesn't let you know.

        8) He sets up a separate cell phone account that is billed to his office.

        9) The cheating husband carries condoms, and you are on the pill.

        10) Begins to delete all incoming phone calls from the caller ID.

        11) Deletes all incoming e-mails when they used to accumulate.

        12) He becomes "accusatory," asking if you are being true to him, usually out of guilt.

        13) Raises hypothetical questions such as, "Do you think it's possible to love more than one person at a time?"

        14) He buys himself new underwear.

        15) He insists the child seat, toys, etc., are kept out of his car.

        16) The cheating wife stops wearing her wedding ring.

        17) Has a sudden desire to be helpful with the laundry.

        18) Has unexplained scratches or bruises on his or her neck or back.

        19) Suddenly wants to try new love techniques.

        20) He/she fairly suddenly stops having sex with you.

        21) He/she suddenly wants more sex, more often.

        22) Supposedly works a lot of overtime, but it never shows up on the pay stub.

        23) Picks fights in order to stomp out of the house.

        24) You find out by accident he or she took vacation day or personal time off from work - but supposedly worked on those days.

        25) Shows a sudden interest in a different type of music.

        26) Spouse's co-workers are uncomfortable in your presence.

        27) Has a sudden preoccupation with his or her appearance.

        28) Spends an excessive amount of time on the computer, especially after you have gone to bed.

        29) He throws up a lot because he just ate at his mistress's house and had to eat the dinner you prepared when he got home.

        30) Your spouse is away from home, either nights or on trips, more than previously.

        31) His/her clothes smell of an unfamiliar perfume or after-shave. You see lipstick on your husband's shirt.

        32) The amount of money being deposited into your checking account drops off.

        33) You find items of intimate apparel or other small gift-type items that you did not give your spouse.

        34) Your spouse seems less comfortable around you and is "touchy" and easily moved to anger.

        35) You get calls where the caller hangs up when he or she hears your voice.

        36) He/she loses attention in the activities in the home.

        37) Your intuition (gut feeling) tells you that something is not right.

        38) He/she has a definite change in attitude towards everyone in the home.

        39) She uses a low voice or whisper on the phone or hangs up quickly.

        40) She has a "glow" about her.

        41) Atypical erratic behavior.

        42) He sneaks out of the house.

        43) She sleeps with her purse by the bed.

        44) She goes to the store for groceries and comes home 5 hours later.

        45) He tells you that you can get hold of him at a different telephone number.

        46) The telltale sign of a cheating spouse? Having to ask that question in the first place.

        *** Visit Robert's website and take advantage of his wealth of knowledge on dealing with this subject. Click here.

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