How To Recover From A Breakup... Even When Completely Blindsided


You never saw it coming. Or maybe you did, but didn't want to see it.

You've broken up. Your relationship is over.

The bomb just dropped and you're in pieces.

What do you do? How do you get over it and move forward?

The short answer is it's going to take time. As the old saying goes "time heals all wounds."

But right now, that's not good enough.

So here are the best ways to recover and start moving forward again in a positive frame of mind.

Get over your breakup - click here.

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Replies (7)
    • Take time to ponder what's happened to you.

      It's common to try to work extra hours, stay away from home, or avoid being alone to prevent having to emotionally face the absence of a partner.

      • However, you'll gain a better understanding of what's happened if you spend some moments identifying the events that led to the break-up.

      • This step may be tough for you to do. If so, limit the time you'll allow yourself to think about the relevant facts of the situation to a half-hour a day.

      Evaluate your relationship patterns.

      If this is an isolated event, you may be able to leave it at that. Maybe your partner had a disturbing event take place in their life or perhaps they were on the rebound from a previous romance. If these types of breakups keep happening to you, ask yourself why.

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      • Perform a positive personal inventory.

        You're likely aware of what your not-so-positive traits are. But at this time in your life, you'll be well on your way to surviving the breakup if you consider your strengths.

        • Maybe you're tall, dark, and handsome with an analytical mind. Perhaps you have beautiful blue eyes and an incredible way of making others feel comfortable around you.

        • The point is to remind yourself of all your positive qualities so you'll realize you still have a lot going for you.

        • Make your list as long as possible. You could use the boost right now.
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        • Spend more time with friends and family.

          Resting your mind and emotions from the recent trauma of the breakup helps you heal. Leaning on those you love will help tremendously when it comes to your recovery. It also provides a welcome distraction.

          Reach out to friends. Talk things over with those close to you. Ask for the support you need. Accept a helping hand. Spend more time with pals who make you laugh.

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          • Try something new.

            Get yourself out of your own head and back in to the mainstream of life. Challenge yourself to learn something new or pursue a hidden passion. To illustrate, consider the following suggestions as examples of putting your toe in unfamiliar, yet fascinating waters:

            • Volunteer at a child-mentoring agency or help the less fortunate,
            • Take a course in Art History at your local community college.
            • Learn a new skill, like wood-crafting, making stained glass, or jewelry-making,
            • Join a local club that does fund-raising for charities,
            • Go to and find a group for you.

            Set new goals.

            Tackle new and exciting projects. If you've been thinking about getting a dog, adopt one. Plan a vacation to the Bahamas. Learn to bake bread or knit a scarf.

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            • Change your routines.

              Familiar places and events can act as triggers when you're getting over a relationship. You may want to temporarily avoid the music you listened to together or the coffee shop you visited every Saturday morning.

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              • Listen to your feelings.

                Should you have contact with your ex-partner?

                If your former partner texts or calls saying, "Let's remain friends," after the break-up, take your time and decide whether or not you really want to do that.

                • They may call you a month later and invite you to meet for coffee. It's your decision. Are you ready to see them? Do you want to try to maintain "friendly" contact?

                • Do what feels comfortable for you. Frankly, what's best for you in such a complex situation is difficult to surmise. Follow your instincts.

                • Of course, if there was prior emotional or physical abuse in the relationship, saying "no" to future contact is likely the best choice.
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                • Find a spiritual connection.

                  One of the most effective ways to develop the strength to heal after a break up is to develop your spirituality. Being spiritual involves becoming in tune with the true desires and needs of your soul. Once you've made that connection, you'll likely realize that the relationship was hurting you instead of helping you.

                  • Turn to your church to help you find the true meaning of your existence.
                  • Read books that help you get in touch with your inner self.
                  • Spend time meditating on what's really important to you.
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