It's common to try to work extra hours, stay away from home, or avoid being alone to prevent having to emotionally face the absence of a partner.

• However, you'll gain a better understanding of what's happened if you spend some moments identifying the events that led to the break-up.
• This step may be tough for you to do. If so, limit the time you'll allow yourself to think about the relevant facts of the situation to a half-hour a day.

What happened?

Resting your mind and emotions from the recent trauma of the breakup helps you heal. Leaning on those you love will help tremendously when it comes to your recovery. It also provides a welcome distraction.

Who are your true friends?

You're likely aware of what your not-so-positive traits are. But at this time in your life, you'll be well on your way to surviving the breakup if you consider your strengths.

• Maybe you're tall, dark, and handsome with an analytical mind. Perhaps you have beautiful brown eyes and an incredible way of making others feel comfortable around you.
• The point is to remind yourself of all your positive qualities so you'll realize you still have a lot going for you.
• Make your list as long as possible. You could use the boost right now.

Who are you? What did you learn about yourself?

If your former partner texts or calls saying, "Let's remain friends," after the break-up, take your time and decide whether or not you really want to do that.

• They may call you a month later and invite you to meet for coffee. It's your decision. Are you ready to see them? Do you want to try to maintain "friendly" contact?
• Do what feels comfortable for you. Frankly, what's best for you in such a complex situation is difficult to surmise. Follow your instincts.
• Of course, if there was prior emotional or physical abuse in the relationship, saying "no" to future contact is likely the best choice.

Do you still desire any contact?

Get yourself out of your own head and back in to the mainstream of life. Challenge yourself to learn something new or pursue a hidden passion. To illustrate, consider the following suggestions as examples of putting your toe in unfamiliar, yet fascinating waters:

• Volunteer for the child-mentoring agency you've been interested in for the last few years.
• Take a course in Music History at your local community college.
• Join a local club that does fund-raising for charities, like a Moose or Elks Lodge.
• Learn a new skill, like wood-crafting, making stained glass, or jewelry-making.

What will you try?