Relationship Advice

   

WDating Advice for Widows

Dating a widow can be a complicated situation. Although it is true that many widows eventually wind up dating again it is important not to rush them into the situation. They are the only ones who will truly know when they are over their grief and ready to enter into another romantic relationship. It may seem logical that a woman who has recently lost her husband may want to find the security of another relationship but this is often not the case. The key to dating a widow is to follow their lead and allow them to dictate the pace of the relationship.

For many widows the grieving process is long and in some cases may even last several years. Depending on the situation of her husband's death as well as the widow's personality, the grieving period could vary considerably. For this reason it is not wise to assume that the widow will be ready to date again after a certain amount of time. Those who ask a widow out to date simply because they think that the woman should be ready to date again and not because they are seeing signs that the woman is ready to date run the risk of being rejected and considered inconsiderate by the woman. If the husband's death was sudden or unexpected, it is understandable that the grieving process will be lengthy as coping with the situation may be very difficult to a woman who is widowed at an early age and unexpectedly. Older women who have been dealing with a terminally ill husband may be ready to date sooner than those who did not have warning of their husband's death. This does not mean that those who were involved with a husband who was sick for a very long time love their husbands any less than those who lost their husband in a sudden accident. The explanation for this is that the women with the sick husbands have had the opportunity to begin their grieving process while their husband was still alive. If you know the widow well you will probably be able to judge when they might be open to dating again by their appearance, mood and words. As the grieving subsides you may notice that the widow's mood improves and she begins to take more care in her appearance. She may even begin to talk about dating again. When you start seeing these signs, it is appropriate to ask a widow to accompany you on a date.

Another important tip for dating a widow is to not try to replace her husband. It is important to understand that while she may be looking for a new relationship, she is not looking for a duplicate of her previous relationship. Attempting to be too much like her deceased husband can have the effect of making her miss her husband even more. Understand that the widow is interested in dating you for who you are and not as an attempt to recreate the relationship that she had with her husband. This will ensure that you aren't trying to fill an impossible role by trying to be someone that you aren't.

It is natural that there will be a time when the widow wants to speak about her deceased husband. If you are dating a widow, you can expect that there will be times such as the anniversary of his death or his birthday that your girlfriend may feel sentimental of her husband. It is important to not be jealous of these feelings and to allow her to reminisce about these times. It is acceptable for occasional bouts of longing for her former husband but allowing these feelings to dominate the relationship can be unhealthy. It is important to be there for your girlfriend when she is feeling particularly sad and wants to talk but if her obsession becomes unhealthy, you should encourage her to seek counseling to work through her feelings.

A widow can be part of a healthy relationship with a few simple precautions. It is important for both the widow and the person they are dating to realize that their relationship is not a replacement for the widow's previous relationship but rather a completely knew experience. It is also important to let the widow set the pace for the relationship. She is the only one who will know when she is ready to start dating again. She is also the one who will realize when she needs a little time to herself to reminisce about her former husband. Letting the widow set the pace for the relationship is very important but it is equally important to step in if the widow is not thinking rationally and is starting to become seriously depressed over the loss of her husband in a way that is affecting her other relationships.

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